three scallywag monkeys

BeGolly, BeGosh! I would invite little scallywag monkeys, whoever they are, and wherever they are, to reflect upon, and consider the following information.

Had Mr Gibbons 'really' been a sensible, willing, capable competent, reliable and trustworthy  'project partner', he would:

  • Still be with this project
  • Be driving around in a 'Project Go-Kart' of his own
  • Be enjoying a very welcome, regular and substantial boost to his retirement income

project gokart


I agreed to help Mr Gibbons and I gave him the opportunity to work with a real website expert, on this lovely project that Mr Gibbons urged, encouraged and challenged me to build. (By the way, not only did I build and develop this project, I paid for it all, as well).

Unfortunately, Mr Gibbons was entirely unable to seize this great opportunity, or rise to the challenge, or even be sensible.

Instead, all Mr Gibbons did manage to do was screw up. He screwed up over, and over again. He screwed up so many times, because he is completely useless, stupid and incomptetent. He has been of no assistance, added any value or 'built' anything at all. All Mr Gibbons DID manage to contribute was problem after problem, after problem.

In a mere 24 days, 1st - 24th December, 2014 Mr Gibbons managed to:

  • Lose my friendship and respect
  • Exhaust all my patience and goodwill
  • Lose all confidence in his ability to perform even the most simple of tasks

(The serial incompetence of Mr Gibbons caused me to want to do him physical harm. No person I have ever tried to work with has ever been so able to irritate, annoy, anger, frustrate and exasperate me as much as Mr Gibbons).

Following his return from a long weekend in Berlin at the end of November, Mr Gibbons completely blew his chances of participating in this project. Out of the goodness of my heart I volenteered to go over to spend time with him.  He had been feeling unwell, and I felt sympathy for him.

  • The first thing that I did was to sort out his (personal) email problems. This took me 10 days of research. (A sensible and resourceful person would have found his own solution to this problem). 

  • The next time I visited Mr Gibbons I asked him if he had ever backed up his computer. He had not, so I did this 'disaster recovery' for him. This wasted another day of my time. 

  • Whilst working on his email, and backing up his computer, I had a lightbulb moment. Mr Gibbons had had the perfect small screen monitor that had been sitting for ages on his office floor. Mr Gibbons was a man who I judged would benefit from the efficiency gains afforded by installing a second monitor.

I explained my plan to Mr Gibbons, and he really enthused.  What could be better than having a second monitor on his desk? He could convince, and pretend, to the uninitiated that he was being super-clever? But, instead of following my advice, Mr Gibbons bought another enormous monitor, to match his existing large screen.  Monitor No 2 was way too big to sit comfortably on his (very large) desk. Instead of being able to sit comfortably look directly at his main work screen, and glancing at the second monitor, away to the side, Mr Gibbons had his main monitor offset to the left of centre, and his second, huge, monitor offset to the right of centre.  When looking straight ahead he was looking at the edge of both screens. Instead of an effiency gain, Mr Gibbons had created an ergonomic nightmare.  Mr Gibbons had taken a really good idea, and then he 'Gibbonsed' it. Much worse was quickly to come.

Mr Gibbons' new monitor had a cable that was only just long enough to connect to the back of his computer.  Space under his desk was tight.  The result was that the new monitor was:

  • Difficult to connect and
  • The cable was under slight, but continuous tension. (A sensible person would have dashed out to buy a longer one).
  • Screws became loose and dropped down inside the computer tower
  • Neither monitor was showing anything

Mr Gibbons did not think to discuss this problem with me. Instead, he (foolishly) thought he could 'just' take off the tower case, retrieve and replace the screws, resecure the jack plate, and all would be fine? He had never even heard of an anti-static wrist strap, or had any idea as to the damage that his unearthed, (so statically and elecrically charged), Heath Robinson, DIY 'fiddling' could do to very sensitive computer components.

Mr Gibbons put the 'fixed'' computer back under his desk, and turned it on. 'Joy' the monitors again worked, but 'doom and gloom', as his computer was no longer able to connect wirelessly to the internet.

It was only then that Mr Gibbons decided to contact me about this problem that he had created. I volunteered to come over the next day to investigate and try to diagnose the fault.  I arrived armed with my iPhone, iPad, and laptop.  In five minutes I had all my devices connected to his wifi. There was nothing wrong with his wifi, or his wifi router.  I told him this. "Your computer has a fault. Your computer is (suddenly) unable to connect to the wifi.  You need to get this fixed.  It is not something that I can do. This is a job for Jason Harmer (Horsham Computers)".  I also warned Mr Gibbons that he needed to pull his finger out.  We were in the middle of December. If you do not get this sorted out quickly, it will not be fixed until the second half of January".

(On questioning, the story of the cable issue, the loose screws, the monitor issue, and the attempt of a DIY fix gradually emerged from Mr Gibbons).

What did Mr Gibbons do about the obvious fault, and my asessment of the wireless connectivity problem, do?  He 'decided' to completely ignore my advice and instructions on what to do to get the problem fixed.  Instead, without any reference to me he took, and 'dumped' his problem at the door of his ISP.  Mr Gibbons wasted his time, and their time. An hour and a half of it. 'Generously', they agreed to send Mr Gibbons a new, later model router. (It was worth it to them to get rid of the problematic and time wasting Mr Gibbons).

Mr Gibbons was feeling really pleased with himself . He expected me to be impressed by his negotiating skills. I saw him as nothing, but a timewaster, a fool, and a pain in the neck.  A few days later, the new router arrived.  This was setup. Surprise, surprise, everyone else in his house could connect to the new router and wifi, but not Mr Gibbons from his computer.  Then it was Christmas. Just as I predicted. He did not get this issue resolved until the latter half of January, when Jason Harmer came around to do a site visit and he fixed the connectivity problem. (More delay, prevarication, and obfuscation).

I had been wasting my time, 15 days of it, providing Mr Gibbons with not even enabling and empowering work, but more restorative, remedial and special measures support. I was fed up with holding his digital hand and wiping his digital backside. We had not been able to do any project work at all. I was deeply displeased with the ineptitude of Mr Gibbons.

Just how did Mr Gibbons, (my willing, capable competent, relaible and trustworthy 'project partner'), reward and repay me for all of my time, and help and support?

Mr Gibbons, (who has very little knowledge, and the most idle fingers and thumbs of anyone I know), 'just' decided that he would start listing the pubs in Crawley.  He was publishing rubbish, but this was not just rubbish, this was rubbish, on a BIG scale. This would have been unacceptable at any time, but he did this on the 21st, 22nd and 23rd December? This was highly embarrassing. It made the project, and the pair of us look really stupid. I telephoned Mr Gibbons to demand to know "What he thought he was playing at"? I 'demanded' that he took down his rubbish. He had to do this in 24 hours, or there would be consequences....

On the 24th December, Christmas Eve, I rang Mr Gibbons again, whilst I was sitting at my computer.  He lied that he had taken the offending pub listings down. That was a huge mistake. I was looking at them, still online. I took them down. This was the last thing that I wanted to be doing on Christmas Eve. Mr Gibbons was a man who was not only making digital deposits all over the immaculate project carpet. He was also dumping on my Christmas.  By 24th December, 2014 I would have been happy to wring his useless, stupid neck.

(Herein lies the problem with Mr Gibbons.  He just 'does', without applying any clear and sensible thought at all. As a consequence, he creates problem after problem, after problem. Mr Gibbons is a 'problem factory').

In December Mr Gibbons drove me on 9 short car journeys. He picked me up three times. I was doing him a favour, and this was in freezing conditions. For no good reason, he was always 10 to 15 minutes late. Being the considerate person that I am, I waited out in the road a distance from my house, to make his pick up and journey more straightforward? Mr Gibbons drove like an idiot. The first time Mr Gibbons picked me up he was really angry. He was driving like a man possessed. It really was a white knuckle ride. I was very concerned by the manner of his driving.

  • At  the first big roundabout we came up to, I stopped him from rear ending the car in front of us, and had to tell him to 'calm down, and behave'?
  • He was driving way too fast for the icy road conditions
  • Mr Gibbons would still be accelerating when all the cars in front of him were braking?
  • On another journey, Mr Gibbons was overtaken by a shiny new silver BMW. This manouvre casued Mr Gibbons no inconvenience whatsoever. But it surprised him, and he was annoyed. Mr Gibbons decided to tailgate the BMW and, repeatedly, flash his lights at it?

Mr Gibbons thinks that driving like this is acceptable and is going to impress me?
(Sad to say that Mr Gibbons is unable to drive his computer any more sensibly or impressively than he drives his car).

I asked Mr Gibbons to do three simple things for me. He was unwilling unable, or incapable of doing them.

  • Sussex media orgaisations and contacts, (for a press launch planned for Easter 2015). Mr Gibbons 'decided' he would not bother to do this.
    The celebrity press launch with Richard Way and Rosemary Shrager was postponed, posponed again, then cancelled.
  • To list the Dark Star Brewery and their beers. This would have taken a day to do.  Mr Gibbons could not manage to do this in three months.
  • The lovely Three Moles pub at Selham. This would have taken an hour to do. Mr Gibbons did not manage to do this is six months.
    (I was livid with Mr Gibbons about this. People taking the trouble to ask for their pub to be listed, should have their pub listing done in two working days. This is a basic service level agreement).

From March to June, 2015 I was fully occupied with building the Clinical Trials Recruitment Portal with Dr Sarah Markham. But, by June, I decided that Dr Markham was so brilliant that I did not have enough work to do, so I decided to focus on the Pubs Project again.  There was still a great deal of 'back end' development work that needed to be done. (This is way beyond the ability of Mr Gibbons to do).

When I looked at the front end of the website, I saw that Mr Gibbons had 'just' decided to exercise his stupid and idle fingers and thumbs again, by posting 'old' pub sign pictures where he had them.  A good idea, but, unfortunately, the execution was completely dire. Mr Gibbons should have consulted me and I would have told him how to do this properly, and professionally.  Mr Gibbons was again showing me that I could not rely on him or trust him, and he would make 'digital deposits' on the immaculate site carpet, if my attention was averted, even for one moment.

By July, 2015 I had come to realise that:

  • Mr Gibbons was never, ever going be sensible, or wake up, wise up and get with the programme.
    (He had not been able to do one single thing since he came back from Berlin to impress me at all).

  • The ONLY way this project could be delivered was if I did it everything myself.
    (I had a crystal clear vision of how it could be, and should be done).

  • Mr Gibbons was a project liability and NOT an asset.
    (The help and support that Mr Gibbons could provide, this project and I needed like a hole in the head).

  • I told Mr Gibbons that he was not contributing anything to the project, (apart from problems), or performing as a project partner should. Mr Gibbons was more than happy for me to knock my socks and develop the project, but it had come to my attention that he was pretending to people that my work was 'really' his work. This was dishonest, and wholly unacceptable. I was no longer prepared to waste any more of my time on him, and I could do better, much, MUCH better by myself.  I would not work with someone who was quite impossible for me to work with, and had grown to loathe, despise and detest with a passion.

  • Mr Gibbons responded obligingly, predictably, that is, foolishly, and in anger, (and with his usual lack of sense and sound judgement). He had contacted Heart internet and asked if their support team could transfer the website to the website hosting account that he had just opened. They confirmed that they could. So, Mr Gibbons locked me out of the website. (I knew what he was trying to do. He really covets this project., and the website that I had built and paid for. He wanted it for himself.  I telephoned him and demanded that he let me back in.  Mr Gibbons thought that he was home and dry. The foolish Mr Gibbons was so confident that he was going to be able to scarper with the project family silver that he laughed at me.  Mr Gibbons mocked that he was "Far too busy to deal with that"? It took me five minutes to regain access to the site. Then it was bye bye to Mr Gibbons. (Fortunately, Mr Gibbons is every bit as bad at stealing a website as he is at trying to build one). He was caught, and he was sacked. 
  • Now, the angry, foolish, ghastly and preposterous Mr Gibbons now goes from pub to pub in Horsham to pretend that 'really' it is me who has stolen his project and his work? 

  • In seven months, Mr Gibbons DID NO WORK AT ALL. (I presented Sussex pubs to a sensible person on a plate. Unfortunately, Mr Gibbons is anything, but sensible).

I am fortunate in being able to pick and choose the work that interests and excites me. I choose to work with people that I like and respect.

Mr Gibbons that came back from Berlin has, sadly, NEVER been the sensible, willing, capable competent, reliable and trustworthy  'project partner', that this lovely project had hoped for, and deserved to have. Instead, the 'real' Mr Gibbons has been the COMPLETE AND EXACT OPPOSITE. 

I absolutely refuse to do my lovely work, with a man like Mr Gibbons, who, in just 24 days in December, 2014, and then from January to June in 2015, had only been able to show himself to be serially inept, extremely foolish, and as someone that I am entirely unable to rely on or trust.